As I bid goodbye to 2012, I can feel the emotions bubbling up again. I honestly didn't know what to write about my 2012 ending.. I can't remember most of the events that happened. I was not sure if the year flew by so fast or if things were happening so slowly or quickly. Or if things are even happening. But I think the best word for my 2012 is emotional.The past year, I have seen a lot of losses and wins. Too many weddings and too many funerals. How ironic to see both new beginnings and endings way too often.
I thought I was feeling and living vicariously through these events and learning life lessons as I share the grief of losing a loved because of death or sharing the joy and happiness of starting a life together and having a damily through friends getting married and having kids. Cliche, but of course you will never know the feeling of losing something or someone not until you experience it or feeling the happiness of having that someone to have and to hold forever.
2012 was a year of change. Again, I was not sure if it was good or bad for me personally. I hated change because I already felt comfortable with a lot of things that I have and I don't want anything or anyone altering that comfort zone. Not realizing that I have also changed. It was a love-hate relationship with myself for the longest of 2012. It was bitter. I was bitter. And it showed.
I apologize for this being such a crappy and emotional entry. I just need to purge these emotions so that in some pathetic way, I can feel relief. I don't know the answer to, "What's the best thing that happened in 2012 for you?", or neither I wouldn't want to answer the question of, "What's the worst thing that happened in 2012 for you?". I was emotional, and for the most part of the year, it was painful and I was angry at myself and a lot of things and people. I always resented the fact that people don't realize how fragile strong willed people can also be, because the expectation is you can always get up, pick up the pieces and move on like nothing ever happened. Last year was also a year of questioning - of whys and hows; the questions that's the hardest to answer.
Then the remainder of the year began to feel like, "Just letting it be.." From the control freak that I am, it was hard just letting things be on a daily basis. I felt lost and unaware. Praying everytime to just give me that willingness to accept the things that will happen on that day. It was a struggle that rocked the core in me. Letting it be also meant, keeping quiet and respecting ones space to think and feel and to accept the matters of the fact and trust that it happens for a reason.
2012 may be the year of the end of a relationship, but it also was the year that reminded me to love myself more, and to accept my weaknesses and celebrate the little successes that mattered for me. It marked an awakening of a deeper understanding of what matters in life for me - the family that never leaves and will always welcome you, the friends that laughs at you when you're drunk and make a fool of yourself or those friends who just gives you a tight hug because they just feel like it, the colleagues that appreciate your hard work, the new acquaintances you meet that adds up to your list of friends, the places you go and experience the gift of being alive and able.
I still thank God for all the challenges that came with the year 2012. But I mostly appreciate all the tight hugs, pats on the back, the smiles, the handshakes, the "I'll pray for you(s)", the "Thank you(s)", and for all the people that made me feel better and loved. To all those people, I hope you know who you are. I will be forever grateful.
The journey to a healing heart and soul is best shared with people who can strengthen and encourage you to move forward. And for this, I will walk on to the unknown of 2013 with a lot of excitement as to what the Lord has in store for me. It will all be good.
Cheers to all the wins and loses for 2013! And may God bless us all! Let's pray for each other!
I thought I was feeling and living vicariously through these events and learning life lessons as I share the grief of losing a loved because of death or sharing the joy and happiness of starting a life together and having a damily through friends getting married and having kids. Cliche, but of course you will never know the feeling of losing something or someone not until you experience it or feeling the happiness of having that someone to have and to hold forever.
2012 was a year of change. Again, I was not sure if it was good or bad for me personally. I hated change because I already felt comfortable with a lot of things that I have and I don't want anything or anyone altering that comfort zone. Not realizing that I have also changed. It was a love-hate relationship with myself for the longest of 2012. It was bitter. I was bitter. And it showed.
I apologize for this being such a crappy and emotional entry. I just need to purge these emotions so that in some pathetic way, I can feel relief. I don't know the answer to, "What's the best thing that happened in 2012 for you?", or neither I wouldn't want to answer the question of, "What's the worst thing that happened in 2012 for you?". I was emotional, and for the most part of the year, it was painful and I was angry at myself and a lot of things and people. I always resented the fact that people don't realize how fragile strong willed people can also be, because the expectation is you can always get up, pick up the pieces and move on like nothing ever happened. Last year was also a year of questioning - of whys and hows; the questions that's the hardest to answer.
Then the remainder of the year began to feel like, "Just letting it be.." From the control freak that I am, it was hard just letting things be on a daily basis. I felt lost and unaware. Praying everytime to just give me that willingness to accept the things that will happen on that day. It was a struggle that rocked the core in me. Letting it be also meant, keeping quiet and respecting ones space to think and feel and to accept the matters of the fact and trust that it happens for a reason.
2012 may be the year of the end of a relationship, but it also was the year that reminded me to love myself more, and to accept my weaknesses and celebrate the little successes that mattered for me. It marked an awakening of a deeper understanding of what matters in life for me - the family that never leaves and will always welcome you, the friends that laughs at you when you're drunk and make a fool of yourself or those friends who just gives you a tight hug because they just feel like it, the colleagues that appreciate your hard work, the new acquaintances you meet that adds up to your list of friends, the places you go and experience the gift of being alive and able.
I still thank God for all the challenges that came with the year 2012. But I mostly appreciate all the tight hugs, pats on the back, the smiles, the handshakes, the "I'll pray for you(s)", the "Thank you(s)", and for all the people that made me feel better and loved. To all those people, I hope you know who you are. I will be forever grateful.
The journey to a healing heart and soul is best shared with people who can strengthen and encourage you to move forward. And for this, I will walk on to the unknown of 2013 with a lot of excitement as to what the Lord has in store for me. It will all be good.
Cheers to all the wins and loses for 2013! And may God bless us all! Let's pray for each other!
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