Always remember what your Mama said, "..you will find someone you are worth of." Words of encouragement from someone who is always on the outside looking in when it comes to your personal life. Because she trusts and respects you, how strong willed and independent you are. This is me talking to myself.
In the last few months, though I don't talk about it, she knows. They know. People have been respectful of my silence. Though a lot has encouraged me to cry it all out, I can't for most of the time. My family especially has been respectful of my personal space for mourning and grieving a lost love. Not asking questions of why I don't want to eat, why I sleep all day, why I don't talk, why I go home at five in the morning and go to work at 10 am.
With this heartbreak, I was quiet. I was calm. Composed. On the outside. But on a lot of levels inside me, I was in deep shit. I don't want to write about it or talk about it out of respect for me and the other person concerned. And I want to keep my sanity. Yes sanity on a day to day basis. To not struggle to wake up and drag myself to work. To go get up and do the normal things you do like nothing bothers you. I was being productive and that is all I needed to not break.
I just can't help it sometimes to think of things. To cry a bit when I think of him. To feel sad of the what might have beens, the shoulda, woulda, coulda. I always find myself looking for him. Longing for him. But as always, it's a hopeless case. I am accepting the fact that its really over.
Now, I am re-learning to value myself. To trust that I am so much more than another failed relationship. I am re-learning to be connected with the people that matters the most and accepting the fact that even if one person doesn't want me in their life, I will always have a million people wanting me to be in theirs. I am re-learning to accept my weaknesses and pray for strength everyday. I am re-learning to not settle. To always look out for the best not only in me but for me.
I am appreciating that the value of relationships with family and friends outweigh anything material. Achievements and accolades doesn't mean anything if its not shared with the true treasures or your life. I may be sounding more of a cliche, but with all that happened, God has replaced and is still replacing all the bitterness and hurt with all the wonderful things in life.
I am meeting myself again. I lost a lot of it by deeply loving someone unexpectedly. But I am happy I am picking up the pieces again. It's bittersweet, moving on and moving forward. This is what I need to do. Pick up all my brokenness and piece myself together again and be the best person for that "someone you are worth of".
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Small Blessings and Bigger Challenges
I was itching to write about something. Anything. Everything. Unfortunately, there was a lot of excuses on my part to just not do it. Maybe not enough inspiration, I was busy with work, my classes started, plus, making sure I exercise at least three times a week and visit St. Jude.
Yes. Ako na ang maraming booking. :p
Okay, here we go with some random things while SHM blasts in my ears.
I have longed conversations. I miss it. Not even sensible conversations. Plain conversations. Interactions. Reconnecting with friends and acquaintances have brought me back to that level of confidence that I lost. Not still at my 100% but I think I'm getting there.
Getting better with my health. I think this was one thing that I have taken for granted. Not sleeping enough, not conscious of what I'm eating and so on. I was always sick in 2012. I had UTI, I had various infections and would always need to go on antibiotics just for the cure. It was hard. Being sick and lonely, not a very good combination. Thank God I'm getting better.
Work is very promising. I'm part of a global class for the FY13 Global HR Academy program of Accenture. Going back to school and studying feels so foreign. But I love the feeling of learning. And thanks to Accenture for giving this opportunity. One more good news I will share, when the announcement comes out. :p
Travel will be epic this year! I hope!
Still writing down my goals and things to do for 2013. But so far it is a good start. Better than what I expected things to be.
There are a lot is small blessings and bigger challenges to be thankful for.
Yes. Ako na ang maraming booking. :p
Okay, here we go with some random things while SHM blasts in my ears.
I have longed conversations. I miss it. Not even sensible conversations. Plain conversations. Interactions. Reconnecting with friends and acquaintances have brought me back to that level of confidence that I lost. Not still at my 100% but I think I'm getting there.
Getting better with my health. I think this was one thing that I have taken for granted. Not sleeping enough, not conscious of what I'm eating and so on. I was always sick in 2012. I had UTI, I had various infections and would always need to go on antibiotics just for the cure. It was hard. Being sick and lonely, not a very good combination. Thank God I'm getting better.
Work is very promising. I'm part of a global class for the FY13 Global HR Academy program of Accenture. Going back to school and studying feels so foreign. But I love the feeling of learning. And thanks to Accenture for giving this opportunity. One more good news I will share, when the announcement comes out. :p
Travel will be epic this year! I hope!
Still writing down my goals and things to do for 2013. But so far it is a good start. Better than what I expected things to be.
There are a lot is small blessings and bigger challenges to be thankful for.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Museum/Shopping Day and Jean's Birthday!
The whole day of walking around starts here. The bus station. This is Day 3 of our Jakarta trip. Needed to take a photo since I can't take down notes. Haha!
Since we have made a lot of changes with the itinerary and to do's we were only able to visit 2 museums. The Wayang Museum and the Ceramic Museum. We didn't attempt to go inside the Historical Museum and the Bank Museums since it was so crowded on a very hot humid day. Plus, it will take all our time if we visit all the museums which is impossible with the whole day that we only have. Hopefully, there will be a next time.
The Wayang Museum is where the traditional Indonesian puppets/dolls are showcased. It was actually proclaimed by UNESCO as "Masterpieces of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity" in the year 2003. This originated as a product of the Royal Court culture where it was used as a means to worship the ancestors. And up to now, it is actively being preserved in various communities in Indonesia.
There's a lot to see in this museum. Scary looking dolls and puppets, writings on the walls during the Dutch colonization. You will actually wonder, especially when looking at the wayangs, as to where the Indonesians get the inspiration for the looks of their wayangs. Talk about creative!
Jean, Genna and I had fun looking at the wayangs and watching the show. We were able to watch the performance of Wayang Orang. I forgot what the story is about and also, it was in Bahasa. But we enjoyed it, a taste of the Indonesian culture. :) There are three more performances that are being shown, but you need to stay for the whole day to watch it all. There's still performances of Betawi purwa Wayang Kulit, Javanese purwa Wayang Kulit and Sundanese purwa Wayang Golek. All these three are done with the traditional Wayang puppets while the Wayang Orang is performed by actors with singers in the background.
We've also met new friends there. Hengky and the rest of the Wayang Museum staff are so accomodating. Below is the photo.
More museum walking and of course lunch at this quaint little restaurant that actually looks like a hole in the wall. Nasi Goreng, Bakso and Tahu for a quick lunch as Genna repeated the time and place where we will meet later in the evening and as we take notes on the bus station and directions going to the Grand Indonesia Mall.
There also bank museums in Jakarta. There are a lot of banks in Jakarta! So if you are traveling within the city, you will see their buildings in almost all corners.
After walking and seeing the nearby museums, we decided to head on over to our meeting place which is Grand Indonesia Mall. We would need to go to the train station again and then get off at Bundera HI station then just walk towards the mall. I really like Indonesia's bus system. Its efficient like a train, since it has its own lane, and there are conductors who regulate the number of people who will onboard just to make sure as well that the bus is not over crowded! Kudos! In Jakarta, there are a lot of fountains as well and monuments. Too bad we weren't able to go to Monas and the Museum Nacional. I was dying to see the tall tower that marked their independence. But when you ride the bus, you can actually see it from afar.
Grand Indonesia is such a delight to see. Every floor has a theme. There's Broadway, Japanese, Moulin Rouge to name a few. Christmas is already evident as well in all the decorations. There's also a Magnum Cafe there, which had a long line of people waiting to be seated.
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| Our taxi fare! hahaha |
The trip to Jakarta was so much fun! We felt that four days was not enough since there are so much still to see. Maybe we will be back soon? Yes? =p
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